These rules are my distillation of my experiences of gig-going as a fiftysomething who is now attending far more gigs than he used to, egged on admittedly by a music-mad son who likes his dad to buy his tickets for him...
1. Choose your venue with care. Preferably small, preferably standing. Standing because...
2. If your neighbours are annoying you, you can move. Taking the moral high ground and standing your ground (and fuming) is counterproductive. Avoid the braying masses by standing elsewhere. Preferably...
3. Stand at the barrier. Not centre stage, but well off to the left or right. This is ideal because:
3a. You will be stood next to the speakers. It will be loud, so you will not be able to hear the fuckwits.
3b. Off to the side, you avoid the jumping, moshing, crowdsurfing fuckwits.
3c. You will have an ace view of the action. And you will have something solid to lean on.
3d. You will be at the front - with the fans. Who are less likely to talk, and more likely to focus on the performers.
4. Don't drink. You WILL need to go to the loo, and you WILL lose your place. And have to stand with the fuckwits.
5. Choose your act with care. There are some performers who are MADE to be heard live. Focus on them.
6. At festivals - all the above rules apply, especially the 'venue' rules. It is a fact that a small band on a small stage is ALWAYS a better experience than the biggest band in the world on the Pyramid. If you want to see U2 or Beyonce at Glastonbury - set your Sky+ before you go and head off to the Park or the Acoustic tent instead.
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