Thursday, December 10, 2009

As always, the Daily Mash is spot on...

RAFAEL Benitez last night said Liverpool have turned their 16th corner of the season and that this time everything was going to be grand.

The Champions League has introduced Benitez to some of Europe's most beautiful corners
As Liverpool went down to a final Champions League defeat by Fiorentina, Benitez said he was pleased with Alberto Aquilani's full debut and his ability to fit in to the team's style of play by running around looking confused and angry while achieving absolutely nothing.

The manager insisted: "We always start slowly in this competition, so being knocked out of it will really give us the motivation we need to go on and win it.

"We have turned many corners this season - some of the corners have led to more corners, while some of the corners have had little shops on them selling failure sandwiches.

"This latest corner seems to have led us into a dark alley that is filled with unstoppable zombies and their werewolf pals."

He added: "But I believe we have the quality to turn any corner that is thrown our way by the football-corner-throwing gods. Corners. Corrrrnerrrs. Thank you and good corners.”

Assistant manager Sammy Lee clarified Benitez's post-match comments, adding: "He has his lucid days and the kind of days where he buys Dossena. We're trying to work out a combination of medication that will stop him from mistaking Voronin for a footballer.

"In the meantime we just humour him by setting some training cones out on the pitch and telling him it's all the trophies he's won. It seems to calm him."

Club captain Steven Gerrard said: "The gaffer pointed out that if you turn a corner 16 times, you'll be facing the way you're meant to in the first place. To be honest, I just switch off these days and brush up on my Spanish. No, no reason."

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